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4 ways to ruin a relationship ~Four conflict styles to look out for

Is your partner in your space?

Four common behaviors that get in the way of healthy communication are:

  • Criticism – Berating your partner’s personality or character verbally
  • Contempt – Attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intent to insult or abuse
  • Defensiveness – Victimizing yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reversing the blame
  • Stonewalling – Withdrawing to avoid conflict and convey disapproval, distance and separation

Be aware of the annoyance you feel, ground your body and pull your energy out of their space. Contempt and defensive feelings come from the belief that there is something to defend. There is not. When you are in defense, you are at war.

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Time to Let Go

Much like this side room in the picture, some parts of ourselves would be better permanently detached. What type of structure would this be if it were allowed to let go? The hole could be repaired and the home itself could be made right. 

This particular house looks like it had foundation issues. 

While some relationships need to be stopped to save you, sometimes it is our own foundation that needs repair or rebuilding before anyone new can come in. 

I’m on this trip across country. As I drive I’m thinking about my relation th God ( used loosely), self and others. 

So much, quite a bit or some of what I do in relation to myself and others is habit. 

The way we greet ‘how are you, fine fine, to if there’s a hug or not, what the nature of the conversation is, etc, is all habit. 

Over the next few days I’m going to be discussing habit, and making myself more aware of what this brain wiring is about, and see where change is needed. 

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What’s your mission 

We’ve talked a lot about things that you can do and things you can think about to get a sense of self. 

Anxiety can be motivating. When you’re feeling in an uncomfortable way, this can mean that you are not in alignment with your higher self. This can also mean that you have reached another threshold of growth. 

We run from anxiety. I spent most of my life feeling anxious, but I didn’t know what it was. I just knew I felt terrible and I needed for the feeling to go away. I’ve done so many things in my life to keep myself from feeling.  Especially to stop feeling anxious. 

I didn’t know my anxiety was telling me I wasn’t aligned with my true nature/higher self. I simply knew I felt bad. 


I read somewhere  “if you don’t know what your mission is, all the charm in the world won’t inspire people to follow you.”

So what is your mission? Regardless of what you are doing, what is the ‘why’ behind it. What is one thing you know that is you do it every day will make you feel content. 

Today’s not so much of a meditation, but homework. Share with us in the comments, if you like. Write down on something physical or electronic, all the things that make you feel good. Then see if you can make a picture out of the puzzle, piecing  together your mission. 

Then do something that takes you one step closer to being able to do that every day. For me, it’s this blog and my new business. What did you find?
Peace, Paula

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I AM Unworthy, I’m not Deserving.. Liar

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First of all, I AM – this is true. Unworthy? Not Deserving? This is impossible. It cannot be. Ever. At any time. There is no time you cannot be unworthy or not deserving.

The idea of worthiness or deserving also don’t exist, but most of us wander around the planet with a belief we are not worthy. We are taught this from ego based religions and society as though we have the ability to be unworthy. We are taught that we aren’t worthy enough for *God*’. This is a lie.

We are / We be – that’s the truth. There is no such thing as lack of worthiness because there is no such thing as worthy. We invariably have worth because we exist.


Let’s go back to your feet, hands, or the furthest body part away from your heart. Just pay attention to that part of  your body. Deep breath. Is that body part, unworthy? Think of your brain, of your mind. Is this unworthy? Then what exactly is unworthy? Look around. Outside of your body, the only thing left is you, the spirit or consciousness. How can consciousness be unworthy? It’s not possible. Sit for a moment and simply allow yourself to be, without judgment, for one second. That is the beginning of freedom.

So now you know. You don’t have a price, you don’t have an attached value, but don’t confuse that with the idea that you are unworthy or without value.. You ARE. Worth doesn’t play a part in this at all. We have innate value because we exist. We are invaluable. We are here, on this Earth, on this spaceship, on this heaven, if you will. The expression of the divine. We Be.. That’s all.

Pay attention to and question your thoughts.

Contact me if you would like help.

Peace, Paula

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Law of Attraction 


Law of Attraction 

See it, Feel it, Be it 

The idea here is to put the experience in your present or past. Do you want to feel happy? Close your eyes and see yourself as happy, today if you can, but if that’s not possible, then yesterday. See yourself happy, yesterday. The important part here is the actual feeling of it. Be delusional, be crazy in that moment of pretending, just as you did as a child. 

See it, Feel it, Be it®P1030584

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Hello World! Welcome to my first blog. Breathe

This is my very first blog post! Hello and Welcome to my page.

My name is Paula Bowden. I’m a psychic, medium, trainer, Evidence Based Life Coach and amateur photographer. I have my MA in Organizational Development, and I’m an all around cool chick. I’m available for readings, healing, training, motivational speaking, classes and more. One of my main goals in life is to help people learn how not to react to life, but rather to respond.

Let’s start with a brief meditation.

While you’re reading this, give yourself a deep breath. You can close your eyes if you want. Many times throughout the day, we take a breath. Sometimes its on purpose, as in a sigh or when we realize that we haven’t been breathing, but mostly we are breathed. Unconsciously, the breath comes in and goes out. With your next breath, see in your mind’s eye a clear, empty bubble. Allow it to fill with gratitude for this next breath. As you breath in, attach this gratitude bubble to your breath, paying attention to the air across your nostrils or mouth, into your throat, and the feeling it has as it goes into your lungs. Breathe in the gratitude.  Breathe out anything that doesn’t allow that gratitude to fill every cell.

Gratitude and the Question

Several thought processes suggest gratitude, as well as the concept of staying in the question. Byron Katie with ‘The Work”, Access Consciousness, “Think Better” (2007) , Tim Hurson, The Creative Education Foundation (CEF),  and others suggest that staying in the question is the way to stay in choice.

I agree with this. So often we feel there is no choice. We have to go to work, earn a living, buy the house, the car or sometimes just food. That may or may not be true, but how we do it, and the creativity and choice that is used to go about the day are paramount to joy.

These are my truths:

  • if I’m in defense I lose.
  • If I believe my mind I am innocent in my actions, but it’s my responsibility to question my thoughts.
  • My thoughts create my reality
  • It’s not just me in here

Over the next few days, I’ll be exploring each of these topics. Welcome back! Follow me. Let’s get to know each other. In the meantime, happy breathing!