So often I hear my friends, colleagues, clients say to me, “I hate feeling, so and so (whatever this is). Sometimes its fear, neediness, looniness, anger, depression, loneliness, etc.
This is what I know to be true, though sometimes it’s hard to remember it. If I’m feeling something, and it feels bad, then I’m believing something that’s not true.
The icky feeling is not anything to be afraid of, it’s just information. It lets you know that you are out of energetic or vibrational alignment with what is true.
What it is not is weakness, silliness, uselessness, time wasting or anything else like that. It is only information. Am I believing something that is not true?
Grief is a great big example of this. We feel grief at a loss when we believe that the thing shouldn’t have happened, or when we believe there is lack now that the thing happened or the person is gone. You feel the grief because you believe that there is now lack. There can never be lack. Things never ‘shouldn’t’ have happened. When you believe that, then you start to release your attachment to the ‘shoulds’, which cause you pain.
The fires in California are devastating on so many levels. I have been in suffering for 2 days knowing everything that has taken place. I feel for the people and especially the animals. As an empath, I feel what they feel, to some degree. But I finally realized that I was making myself suffer when I feel like there is lack, there are victims or that it shouldn’t have happened.
This type of disaster brings people together like nothing else. They oftentimes come when we need such togetherness. Nature doesn’t mind the fire, but we do because we hold on to our physical life as though it has meaning. In all the fires, only one person has died and only 4 firefighters have been seriously burned. That’s incredible odds. Seeing this as a disaster causes me suffering. Seeing this as an incredible success only leads me to joy. What do you think?
Find grief in your body, your mind, your soul. It’s there, even if it lingers from something as simple from remembering how you felt when you lost a toy, to the loss of your child, mother or partner to death, or something else.
Sit and just feel the heaviness of that grief. Now, let’s start questioning the thoughts.
Now think of something that brings you absolute joy. Is it an accomplishment? The smile radiating from a child? The sunrise, or god as you understand god? The caress of a lover or a quiet moment alone? What brings you joy? What expands you?
For the next step, I want to say out loud, so that everyone can hear me, that I am never saying you shouldn’t feel what you feel. I’m not suggesting you stuff your feelings or feel guilty for feeling them. You have very valid reasons for choosing your emotion, and sometimes they feel like you have no choice but to feel what you feel. It may seem like if you don’t express the emotion you have, you’re not honoring what happened. In no way do I want discussions about choosing how you feel, used to add guilt or shame to your already crowded psyche. You feel what you feel, often unconsciously, and I’m simply offering another suggestion. These concepts are age-old, and I’m simply repeating what I learned, applied, and used to change my life. What I am hoping you understand is that you have a choice, even when you feel like you don’t.
Believe it or not, grief is a choice. I understand that this may sound insane. You’ve lost someone incredibly important to you, you’ve been fired from a job, you have a terrible illness and you feel horrible. The idea that you have to feel a certain way seems overwhelming. The idea that you have to grieve feels like you have no other choice. By questioning the thought, you can start to break through the hard emotion that may no longer be serving you.
Have you ever questioned the need to be in grief? Here’s a meditation:
Be aware of your body and relax one muscle group that you’re holding tight, be it your jaw, shoulders or toes. Find one more and let it relax, let go, get soft, release. Find your grief. You can do this by feeling the feeling in your body, or find the center of your head and look at your screen. See an image of yourself in your mind’s eye and allow the grief to light up a color, red perhaps or yellow.
Understand that you are amazing, and awe inspiring. Allow your energy to amplify, fill up and expand. Watch what happens to that grief. Expand more. See yourself as a balloon spreading out, opening up and expanding. As you continue to expand, what happens to the grief?
Do you see how it dissipates? Do you see how it releases and relaxes? Now watch this process and see where you grab back on to it. Can you release that grief and simply let it fall? If not, why not? Do you see how you’re grabbing on to your grief and holding on? Do you see how it is your thought that you want it or belief that you need it that makes you hold on to your grief? Allow it to release one more time and fill yourself up with a big bubble of joy, above your head.
When you first let it go, what was the feeling or need to pull it back? For instance, you may believe that you are honoring your deceased loved one by feeling the grief. You may hear yourself say things like ‘well, I was raped, shouldn’t I feel grief?’, or ‘isn’t it natural for someone to feel grief after a divorce?
So, yes, we have those feelings. We have thoughts we believe and we hold on to how we feel. But what else is possible? Where are you holding on to your belief in your grief so tightly that you can’t breathe? How are you being served by this grief? Who’s grief is it? Do you need to feel it to take your next breath, step or thought?
Don’t change it, just question it. What are you holding so hostage about yourself that you’d rather be hostage than potent? Where are you being a victim to your circumstances?
As you comb through these questions, you may get actual answers, or you may just find relief in the question. “I have to feel grief, is this true?”
Now let’s go back to that sense of joy you created at the beginning of this blog. Today, as you go through the day, each time you feel the grief, thank the experience that brought this to you. See the experience as a butler with two silver trays extended; one with your experience of grief and the other with you experience of joy. As you feel the grief rise, see the choice of both trays, and chose the joy. Again, thank the experience that brought you the grief, and chose to vibrate in joy.
As you do this, you’ll understand the ‘why’ you’ve manufactured to choose the grief. You’ll get more in touch and you may continue to choose the grief. The beauty of this is that over time, or very quickly, you will see that you are actually picking up the grief by choice, and you may decide to choose differently.
Please let me know how this meditation works for you. I’d like to hear comments as to how you’re feeling. Thanks
First of all, I AM – this is true. Unworthy? Not Deserving? This is impossible. It cannot be. Ever. At any time. There is no time you cannot be unworthy or not deserving.
The idea of worthiness or deserving also don’t exist, but most of us wander around the planet with a belief we are not worthy. We are taught this from ego based religions and society as though we have the ability to be unworthy. We are taught that we aren’t worthy enough for *God*’. This is a lie.
We are / We be – that’s the truth. There is no such thing as lack of worthiness because there is no such thing as worthy. We invariably have worth because we exist.
Let’s go back to your feet, hands, or the furthest body part away from your heart. Just pay attention to that part of your body. Deep breath. Is that body part, unworthy? Think of your brain, of your mind. Is this unworthy? Then what exactly is unworthy? Look around. Outside of your body, the only thing left is you, the spirit or consciousness. How can consciousness be unworthy? It’s not possible. Sit for a moment and simply allow yourself to be, without judgment, for one second. That is the beginning of freedom.
So now you know. You don’t have a price, you don’t have an attached value, but don’t confuse that with the idea that you are unworthy or without value.. You ARE. Worth doesn’t play a part in this at all. We have innate value because we exist. We are invaluable. We are here, on this Earth, on this spaceship, on this heaven, if you will. The expression of the divine. We Be.. That’s all.