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Ways to Release Grief


Find grief in your body, your mind, your soul. It’s there, even if it lingers from something as simple from remembering how you felt when you lost a toy, to the loss of your child, mother or partner to death, or something else.

Sit and just feel the heaviness of that grief. Now, let’s start questioning the thoughts.

Now think of something that brings you absolute joy. Is it an accomplishment? The smile radiating from a child? The sunrise, or god as you understand god? The caress of a lover or a quiet moment alone? What brings you joy? What expands you?

For the next step, I want to say out loud, so that everyone can hear me, that I am never saying you shouldn’t feel what you feel. I’m not suggesting you stuff your feelings or feel guilty for feeling them. You have very valid reasons for choosing your emotion, and sometimes they feel like you have no choice but to feel what you feel. It may seem like if you don’t express the emotion you have, you’re not honoring what happened. In no way do I want discussions about choosing how you feel, used to add guilt or shame to your already crowded psyche. You feel what you feel, often unconsciously, and I’m simply offering another suggestion. These concepts are age-old, and I’m simply repeating what I learned, applied, and used to change my life. What I am hoping you understand is that you have a choice, even when you feel like you don’t.

Believe it or not, grief is a choice. I understand that this may sound insane. You’ve lost someone incredibly important to you, you’ve been fired from a job, you have a terrible illness and you feel horrible. The idea that you have to feel a certain way seems overwhelming. The idea that you have to grieve feels like you have no other choice. By questioning the thought, you can start to break through the hard emotion that may no longer be serving you.

Have you ever questioned the need to be in grief? Here’s a meditation:


Be aware of your body and relax one muscle group that you’re holding tight, be it your jaw, shoulders or toes. Find one more and let it relax, let go, get soft, release. Find your grief. You can do this by feeling the feeling in your body, or find the center of your head and look at your screen. See an image of yourself in your mind’s eye and allow the grief to light up a color, red perhaps or yellow.

Understand that you are amazing, and awe inspiring. Allow your energy to amplify, fill up and expand. Watch what happens to that grief.  Expand more. See yourself as a balloon spreading out, opening up and expanding. As you continue to expand, what happens to the grief?

Do you see how it dissipates? Do you see how it releases and relaxes? Now watch this process and see where you grab back on to it.  Can you release that grief and simply let it fall? If not, why not? Do you see how you’re grabbing on to your grief and holding on? Do you see how it is your thought that you want it or belief that you need it that makes you hold on to your grief? Allow it to release one more time and fill yourself up with a big bubble of joy, above your head.

When you first let it go, what was the feeling or need to pull it back? For instance, you may believe that you are honoring your deceased loved one by feeling the grief. You may hear yourself say things like ‘well, I was raped, shouldn’t I feel grief?’, or ‘isn’t it natural for someone to feel grief after a divorce?

So, yes, we have those feelings. We have thoughts we believe and we hold on to how we feel. But what else is possible? Where are you holding on to your belief in your grief so tightly that you can’t breathe? How are you being served by this grief? Who’s grief is it? Do you need to feel it to take your next breath, step or thought?

Don’t change it, just question it. What are you holding so hostage about yourself that you’d rather be hostage than potent? Where are you being a victim to your circumstances?

As you comb through these questions, you may get actual answers, or you may just find relief in the question. “I have to feel grief, is this true?”

Now let’s go back to that sense of joy you created at the beginning of this blog. Today, as you go through the day, each time you feel the grief, thank the experience that brought this to you. See the experience as a butler with two silver trays extended; one with your experience of grief and the other with you experience of joy. As you feel the grief rise,  see the choice of both trays, and chose the joy. Again, thank the experience that brought you the grief, and chose to vibrate in joy.

As you do this, you’ll understand the ‘why’ you’ve manufactured to choose the grief. You’ll get more in touch and you may continue to choose the grief. The beauty of this is that over time, or very quickly, you will see that you are actually picking up the grief by choice, and you may decide to choose differently.

Please let me know how this meditation works for you. I’d like to hear comments as to how you’re feeling. Thanks

Peace, Paula

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I AM Unworthy, I’m not Deserving.. Liar

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First of all, I AM – this is true. Unworthy? Not Deserving? This is impossible. It cannot be. Ever. At any time. There is no time you cannot be unworthy or not deserving.

The idea of worthiness or deserving also don’t exist, but most of us wander around the planet with a belief we are not worthy. We are taught this from ego based religions and society as though we have the ability to be unworthy. We are taught that we aren’t worthy enough for *God*’. This is a lie.

We are / We be – that’s the truth. There is no such thing as lack of worthiness because there is no such thing as worthy. We invariably have worth because we exist.


Let’s go back to your feet, hands, or the furthest body part away from your heart. Just pay attention to that part of  your body. Deep breath. Is that body part, unworthy? Think of your brain, of your mind. Is this unworthy? Then what exactly is unworthy? Look around. Outside of your body, the only thing left is you, the spirit or consciousness. How can consciousness be unworthy? It’s not possible. Sit for a moment and simply allow yourself to be, without judgment, for one second. That is the beginning of freedom.

So now you know. You don’t have a price, you don’t have an attached value, but don’t confuse that with the idea that you are unworthy or without value.. You ARE. Worth doesn’t play a part in this at all. We have innate value because we exist. We are invaluable. We are here, on this Earth, on this spaceship, on this heaven, if you will. The expression of the divine. We Be.. That’s all.

Pay attention to and question your thoughts.

Contact me if you would like help.

Peace, Paula

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You are what you eat, and think

Feelings as the creator 

You, I, we are the ultimate creator. Some believe there is one Source, and we are the manifestation of that one source, so that it can have expression in physical form. Others believe that there is only us, we, it – that the world is a hologram existing from our perspective. I truly do not know which is true. Maybe they both are, maybe neither. But what I do know is that I  my thoughts & mind generate my feelings and it is my feelings that generate my reality, such as it is.

My story

I started out a Catholic. I’m sure I was a good one, but it only lasted until I was 7 or so when a babysitter decided I needed to be baptized in the font of her Baptist church. I was a good Baptist for a year or so, until my mother died. Then I became an atheist because in my sweet, innocent mind, no good god would take away a child’s mother.

I did the atheist thing until I moved in with a foster family. I don’t remember the type of church we went to, but it was the holly-roller type and I dutifully became a 12 year old born-again christian. 

That lasted until I was 19 when I realized I was lesbian. The two worlds didn’t mix and I quickly became an atheist again. Same logic as before – what good god would make his daughter gay, if he hated it so. I had an experience of choking on a communion wafer during one hot, Sacramento summer, and I imagined god had forsaken me, and left the church.

As I write this, I realize for the first time that this has quickly become a model for the way I do relationships. The moment I feel disappointed by a friend or lover, I’ve abandoned the relationship. Interesting -This will change,  but I digress.

In 1995, my eldest sister was diagnosed with bran cancer. I left my job in Sacramento to move to San Francisco to be her care-taker. While there, as she went through her surgery and treatment, I felt everything. The radiation pellets in her brain were in mine, her nausea was my nausea, etc. It made caring for her difficult. When I met the woman who would become my wife for the next 18 years, she told me I was an empath and to take classes.

I found myself enrolled in a Spirit Guide class at Berkeley Psychic Institute where I learned the basics of grounding and how to chat with a Healing Guide which is essentially a Being without a Body who wants to help you grow and learn for your sake, but mostly for it’s own growth. I was amazed that I was able to see one with my eyes closed, feel her healing and detect her presence.

Mind you, I was an atheist, though and through. There was no way that anything that wasn’t physical existed, at least in my mind. But there it was. 

I learned how this being could plug into my hands and assist with removing energy that doesn’t belong to me, and much to my delight, other people as well.

As my sister got more ill, she went into a hospice. I needed to work, so I moved back to Sacramento to enter a vocational school,  and my soon-to-be wife asked me to continue to take classes so we would have common ground in our marriage, so I completed the year long course at the Berkeley Psychic Institute of Sacramento. This was in 1997. I saw spirt, I saw that which I interpreted to be god. I was no longer an atheist.

For the last 18 years, I have searched for truth. Like many before me, I’ve listened to different thought leaders, meditated, didn’t meditate, I did countless healings and readings, abandoned my psychic practice, took it up again. I’ve done everything but drugs to find the thing that truly resonates with me as that which makes the world go around. I have preached many things. Through all this, there is one thing that has been a constant: my thoughts control my happiness.

I have been at the depths of despair, considered ending it all and been riddled with anxiety. I’ve been incredibly happy, esoterically so, sometimes in the same hour or minute. Throughout it all, there’s only been one constant. My thoughts. Am I believing stressful thoughts or am I questioning them? Am I choosing a different thought. If my thought about myself has made me feel anything but good, its a lie.


Right now, think of something about yourself that makes you feel less than good. Feel it, think of it. You notice that you feel sad, disappointed, hopeless. Now I’m going to ask  you to do something that takes no thought. Your reply should be instantaneous. Ask yourself. “Is this true?” If the answer is anything else but no, leave me a comment and reach out , we have some work to do. Most likely the very first response is “no, this isn’t true.” Then your mind swoops in and changes the answer because it wants to believe badly about yourself. I don’t know why. So, now you are there. You’re feeling badly. You know this feeling, all generated by your thoughts! That’s it! Nothing else. So go the other way. Find something good about yourself. What makes you think that you’re the only person in creation who doesn’t deserve to be here?? Of course you do. You are kind, loving – there is something about yourself that is good. Find it, hold on to it. If you can’t think of something about yourself, find a thought that causes you to feel GOOD! Allow yourself to feel it and know that this is your reference point. You must love yourself, and you’ll get there, one step at a time. Start now. Make yourself feel better. With your thoughts. Now!

Now think about this same thing, but in the opposite.

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Hello World! Welcome to my first blog. Breathe

This is my very first blog post! Hello and Welcome to my page.

My name is Paula Bowden. I’m a psychic, medium, trainer, Evidence Based Life Coach and amateur photographer. I have my MA in Organizational Development, and I’m an all around cool chick. I’m available for readings, healing, training, motivational speaking, classes and more. One of my main goals in life is to help people learn how not to react to life, but rather to respond.

Let’s start with a brief meditation.

While you’re reading this, give yourself a deep breath. You can close your eyes if you want. Many times throughout the day, we take a breath. Sometimes its on purpose, as in a sigh or when we realize that we haven’t been breathing, but mostly we are breathed. Unconsciously, the breath comes in and goes out. With your next breath, see in your mind’s eye a clear, empty bubble. Allow it to fill with gratitude for this next breath. As you breath in, attach this gratitude bubble to your breath, paying attention to the air across your nostrils or mouth, into your throat, and the feeling it has as it goes into your lungs. Breathe in the gratitude.  Breathe out anything that doesn’t allow that gratitude to fill every cell.

Gratitude and the Question

Several thought processes suggest gratitude, as well as the concept of staying in the question. Byron Katie with ‘The Work”, Access Consciousness, “Think Better” (2007) , Tim Hurson, The Creative Education Foundation (CEF),  and others suggest that staying in the question is the way to stay in choice.

I agree with this. So often we feel there is no choice. We have to go to work, earn a living, buy the house, the car or sometimes just food. That may or may not be true, but how we do it, and the creativity and choice that is used to go about the day are paramount to joy.

These are my truths:

  • if I’m in defense I lose.
  • If I believe my mind I am innocent in my actions, but it’s my responsibility to question my thoughts.
  • My thoughts create my reality
  • It’s not just me in here

Over the next few days, I’ll be exploring each of these topics. Welcome back! Follow me. Let’s get to know each other. In the meantime, happy breathing!