Find grief in your body, your mind, your soul. It’s there, even if it lingers from something as simple from remembering how you felt when you lost a toy, to the loss of your child, mother or partner to death, or something else.
Sit and just feel the heaviness of that grief. Now, let’s start questioning the thoughts.
Now think of something that brings you absolute joy. Is it an accomplishment? The smile radiating from a child? The sunrise, or god as you understand god? The caress of a lover or a quiet moment alone? What brings you joy? What expands you?
For the next step, I want to say out loud, so that everyone can hear me, that I am never saying you shouldn’t feel what you feel. I’m not suggesting you stuff your feelings or feel guilty for feeling them. You have very valid reasons for choosing your emotion, and sometimes they feel like you have no choice but to feel what you feel. It may seem like if you don’t express the emotion you have, you’re not honoring what happened. In no way do I want discussions about choosing how you feel, used to add guilt or shame to your already crowded psyche. You feel what you feel, often unconsciously, and I’m simply offering another suggestion. These concepts are age-old, and I’m simply repeating what I learned, applied, and used to change my life. What I am hoping you understand is that you have a choice, even when you feel like you don’t.
Believe it or not, grief is a choice. I understand that this may sound insane. You’ve lost someone incredibly important to you, you’ve been fired from a job, you have a terrible illness and you feel horrible. The idea that you have to feel a certain way seems overwhelming. The idea that you have to grieve feels like you have no other choice. By questioning the thought, you can start to break through the hard emotion that may no longer be serving you.
Have you ever questioned the need to be in grief? Here’s a meditation:
Be aware of your body and relax one muscle group that you’re holding tight, be it your jaw, shoulders or toes. Find one more and let it relax, let go, get soft, release. Find your grief. You can do this by feeling the feeling in your body, or find the center of your head and look at your screen. See an image of yourself in your mind’s eye and allow the grief to light up a color, red perhaps or yellow.
Understand that you are amazing, and awe inspiring. Allow your energy to amplify, fill up and expand. Watch what happens to that grief. Expand more. See yourself as a balloon spreading out, opening up and expanding. As you continue to expand, what happens to the grief?
Do you see how it dissipates? Do you see how it releases and relaxes? Now watch this process and see where you grab back on to it. Can you release that grief and simply let it fall? If not, why not? Do you see how you’re grabbing on to your grief and holding on? Do you see how it is your thought that you want it or belief that you need it that makes you hold on to your grief? Allow it to release one more time and fill yourself up with a big bubble of joy, above your head.
When you first let it go, what was the feeling or need to pull it back? For instance, you may believe that you are honoring your deceased loved one by feeling the grief. You may hear yourself say things like ‘well, I was raped, shouldn’t I feel grief?’, or ‘isn’t it natural for someone to feel grief after a divorce?
So, yes, we have those feelings. We have thoughts we believe and we hold on to how we feel. But what else is possible? Where are you holding on to your belief in your grief so tightly that you can’t breathe? How are you being served by this grief? Who’s grief is it? Do you need to feel it to take your next breath, step or thought?
Don’t change it, just question it. What are you holding so hostage about yourself that you’d rather be hostage than potent? Where are you being a victim to your circumstances?
As you comb through these questions, you may get actual answers, or you may just find relief in the question. “I have to feel grief, is this true?”
Now let’s go back to that sense of joy you created at the beginning of this blog. Today, as you go through the day, each time you feel the grief, thank the experience that brought this to you. See the experience as a butler with two silver trays extended; one with your experience of grief and the other with you experience of joy. As you feel the grief rise, see the choice of both trays, and chose the joy. Again, thank the experience that brought you the grief, and chose to vibrate in joy.
As you do this, you’ll understand the ‘why’ you’ve manufactured to choose the grief. You’ll get more in touch and you may continue to choose the grief. The beauty of this is that over time, or very quickly, you will see that you are actually picking up the grief by choice, and you may decide to choose differently.
Please let me know how this meditation works for you. I’d like to hear comments as to how you’re feeling. Thanks